Cyla’s Story

Jared

Los Angeles, 90232

Becoming a father in 2018 was both joyful and disorienting. As a licensed clinical social worker with a history of mental health challenges, I thought I was prepared, but nothing prepared me for what followed my daughter’s birth. Raised by a single mother after my father left, I set a simple goal: just show up. But during a traumatic delivery, I watched my wife in extreme pain and feared losing her as she hemorrhaged, with little communication from staff. I felt completely helpless and unable to protect her.

In the months that followed, I experienced persistent low mood, an inability to feel joy, and a deep identity crisis. I felt less like a father and more like a servant, going through the motions without purpose. When I left my job to stay home, the depression deepened. I spent days lying on the floor while my daughter crawled over me, walking tens of thousands of steps just to get through the day. What I didn’t expect was how staying home with an infant would push me deeper into uncertainty… I often doubted whether I was doing enough or becoming the person I wanted to be.

I even joked about having “male postpartum,” not realizing how real paternal mood disorders are. I know I’m not the only Black father who’s struggled with mental health after becoming a parent, and I want to keep pushing for conversations that normalize PMADs and promote early support. Every family, regardless of race, sexuality, or income, deserves to be healthy, supported, and whole.

Cyla’s Story

Cyla Fisk, LMFT, PMH-C, Survivor