
Amber
Los Angeles, 90731
At 20 weeks pregnant, I had a massive panic attack. Then several more, all in the same night. It continued into a second night, and I went to the ER convinced they could fix it. The doctor — a woman — told me there was nothing they could do. She told me to just relax.
Even my midwives and doulas didn’t know what to do.
I stopped gaining weight. Stopped eating. Stopped sleeping. My baby wasn’t growing, and I became high-risk. My world got very small. Every decision was rooted in fear. I stopped working, which only gave me more time to spiral. OCD features crept in — rituals, magical thinking, behaviors tied to outcomes I was desperate to control.
I called a psychiatrist six times during my pregnancy but then would have a “good day” and never got a clear treatment plan. Six months postpartum, I finally got on an SSRI. It changed everything.
Throughout all of it, I interacted with countless providers. I didn’t need someone to have all the answers. I just needed someone to point me in the right direction. Instead, every “I don’t know” left me more hopeless than before. Everyone failed me.























































