Marie
Los Angeles, 90255
At 18 years old, I was told that extensive internal damage and scarring from prior medical procedures would make fertility difficult. My husband and I endured a two-and-a-half-year journey to conceive our first daughter, Nalani Willow, while grieving eight miscarriages along the way. When I finally became pregnant, gratitude coexisted with overwhelming anxiety. I feared another loss and questioned whether my body was failing me yet again.
After a traumatic labor and delivery experience, I was immediately met with pressure surrounding breastfeeding. When my daughter cried inconsolably for hours and finally drank an entire bottle of formula, I internalized the moment as another personal failure. I became consumed with guilt, convinced I was unfit to be a mother. Raised in a predominantly Mexican American community where postpartum struggles were rarely acknowledged, I suffered in silence, terrified of judgment and fearful of losing my child if I disclosed my thoughts.
Everything changed when my husband gently asked, “Are you okay?” That question opened the door to healing. Through honest conversations with him and later my mother—who revealed her own experience with postpartum depression—I began to understand that perinatal mental health exists on a spectrum and no story is universal.
During my second pregnancy with my daughter Alora Kai, I experienced severe hyperemesis gravidarum and perinatal depression during the height of COVID-19. After repeated medical dismissal and a near-fatal cardiac episode caused by prolonged starvation and dehydration, I was finally diagnosed and treated appropriately. My journey reflects the complexity of perinatal mental health and the urgent need for compassionate, informed, and culturally responsive care.
